The following content could apply to many types of relationships, I'll apply it to romantic ones.
Over the course of the past few years, I've had a number of relationships which weren't overly healthy, were roller coasters and the romantic aspect existed without a pre-established friendship or any prior significant intimate knowledge of the person. Like many relationships, there'd be a few outings which were casual but the underlying component was laced with the intent to develop mutual exclusivity quite soon. This experimental period, I think, is similar to the honeymoon phase. It's filled with excitement, pleasant encounters, and you're both high on endorphins while overlooking potential down falls which may (and likely) develop later on.
Recently, an article surfaced on one of my feeds and I heeded the advice it proposed of having 3 specific criteria for your mate. Read the article here for details: http://www.businessinsider.com.au/psychology-tricks-find-love-ty-tashiro-wishes-2015-12.
After pondering this new information, I realized I wanted three, somewhat broad, requirements which were highly likely to result in people who have similar commonalities. For example, people who frequently attend the gym, usually have certain traits in common. I have narrowed down my three with an optional, highly valued "cherry-on-top" fourth.
1. Intellectual: you must be an abstract thinker, challenges the status quo, have a innovative and creative thought process and questions. Someone who can intellectually stimulate me, particularly on matters of ethics, philosophy and spirituality. Open mindedness is key.
2. Traveller/world citizen: if you cannot travel the world with me, we won't be dating long, or at all, as this is now a major component of my life. Besides, people who travel just have a different perspective on life. Sleeping on mountain tops, doing yoga on the beach and hiking through rain forests changes who you are. I require someone with a fervent sense of wanderlust and adventure.
3. Compatibility on at least 1 scale, but preferably 3 or more: this could be personality type test, TRUE colours test, love languages, zodiac sign, natal report, life path number etc. I pick this because as unique of individuals as we all may be, we fit within set number of characteristics. It is simply the degree of said characteristics which has infinite possibilities. Similar to how there are infinite numbers between 0 and 1 and yet only two positive integers (in this example, the positive integers represent 0,1 as characteristics such as honesty and compassion). Given the parameters of various compatibility tests, this drastically helps reduce potential candidates.
4. We vibe together when under the influence. If you consume psychedelics, and we vibe together, you've hit the jackpot!
I can't stress the importance of knowing what you're looking for in a person. This could be a confidant, partner, or friend. Having clearly defines prerequisites simply makes determining who to make an effort for exponentially easier. For example I'm in yoga today, sweat drenched head to toe, and there is this super hot girl close by. Now, setting aside the fact she [likely] doesn't speak decent English, once I observed she wasn't willing to put in half an effort to fully engage in the class it was apparent I wouldn't pursue anything. What was the point? She wasn't even challenging herself to break a sweat let alone anything more. This class is jam packed each session throughout the week, the room is super hot, and the teacher really pushes us. It would actually take effort, to not make an effort to the point of not sweating. Although not on my list, someone who has a strong yoga practice will carry substantial weight with me. In fact, I often search yoga classes for potentials who may have the aforementioned requirements. After the class finished, I went to the Body Balance class, and behold was another attractive girl (isn't this great?! 😁), who was making an obvious effort to be fully engaged, completed all poses, kept up with the instructor and was sweating as much as I. Unfortunately, she left early, the great thing is I've noticed people who attend these classes, is they usually attend regularly. This girl, being in quite good shape, would likely be at another class and I'd have another chance.
Knowing what you are looking for comes with the following distinct benefits:
1. Knowing what you want makes it easy to identify someone who has what you seek.
2. Knowing what you want makes it easy to identify someone who doesn't have what you seek (Both 1 and 2 allow for quick decisions on why you should or shouldn't pursue someone).
3. Your requirements become talking points. Travelling is an easy example, after introducing myself to someone I can simply ask their experience and willingness to travel. If they aren't willing to do so, they don't make the short list.
4. You're less likely to make unreasonable compromises because you have a specific reason they don't match ie. this person is someone that I will not pursue because she does not intellectually challenge me. It's really easy now without having to contemplate all the false-justifying "buts" we often use to complicate situations.
Having gone through this "filtering" of candidates, you are left with a rather small number of people who remain. This is exactly what you want, because, now you can target your energy on people who are highly likely to align with you and be what you are looking for. It's about quality over quantity.
I've found using such a method really helps weed out the people who take up time in your life unnecessarily, and helps you quickly identify with those who you want in your life. You'll spend less time debating who's worth it and more time developing relationships with those who are.